Conversation Threads: Day 4

During lunch, I saw a table where a lady where seated by herself. In most situations, I would find a free seat for myself.


This time, though, I approached her and asked her if I could take a seat. She looked like she was in her early thirties. She smiled, and I sat down.


"Sorry, could I bother you and ask you for the time?" I asked her.


She politely did so.
And after she'd given me the time, I started another conversation thread and introduced myself. Had I just stopped after she'd given me the time, the conversation would have ended. 


She introduced herself as Kathy. Turned out she was an instructor at the Language Centre in UST where she taught the Business Communications course to second year students. She'd grown up in Hong Kong, studied for her Masters degree in Birmingham, and then returned to Hong Kong to teach at the Vocational Training Centre.


We had an interesting conversation about journalism, how she ended up in UST, and her British accent (when I pointed it in a non-teasing manner).

Conversation Tip:

• Conversation Threads are very important. Find a way to continue the conversation by changing topics, but still linking it to what you were just talking about. "By the way...", "Out of curiousity..." are both great thread-linkers... 

Conversation Threads Examples:

• First, ask for the time. Thank the person when they reply, then start a new conversation thread by saying, "By the way, my name is _____ and you are?"
• If you're talking about her hobbies [say, she enjoys sports], you can start a new conversation thread by saying, "By the way, did you catch the game last night?"

Dale Carnegie - "How to Win Friends and Influence People": Day 3

You've heard of Dale Carnegie, right?
The author of the best-selling book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People"?
If you haven't read the book yet, go grab a copy now!


Fortunately for me, Dale Carnegie Training Hong Kong was hosting a seminar at HKUST called 'How to Win Friends and Influence People in Business'. I was an audience member.




Hi. I want a Job.
Last year, I walked into Dale Carnegie Training HK buildings with a bold plan in mind. I wanted to work with them as a public speaking trainer. I had absolutely no contacts there - and hadn't even made an appointment, so my visit was a surprise to them. They were, nonetheless, very nice, but I didn't hear from them again...


Today, at the seminar, I ran into the Human Resources Manager who immediately recognized me. She introduced me to the boss of the company and several of her colleagues and we started chatting about my prospects of interning there...


By the end of the conversation, I'd walked away with the boss's contact details and an offer to meet up for coffee.


Insight 1

• Networking is very important! Your networks introduce you to important opportunities...
• To increase your networks, attend seminars, talks, hiking groups...
• A quick conversation with someone today might not mean a lot, but when you run into them next time, they'll probably remember you and you'll be able to start a conversation much quicker

Can I Borrow a Pen - and a Piece of Paper Too?
After I sat down, I realized that I'd forgotten my pen - and hadn't brought along any paper to take notes. So I turned to the girl sitting next to me and asked:


"Hi. Could I borrow a pen? And some paper too?"
She was happy to do so.
"Hi. I'm Akash"
She introduced herself as Belle and we started talking. Belle is a friendly, first year student at HKUST, and we kicked it off pretty quickly by sharing some inside jokes about the irony of making a new friend at a seminar on friendship.


Insight 2:

• Ask for help! If you don't have a pen, ask for someone to lend you one. If you don't have a watch, ask for someone to tell you the time. They'll rarely refuse, as long as it's a reasonable request. Asking for help is great icebreaker 

Dinner?
At the end of the seminar, I stayed behind to chat to the Dale Carnegie employees and mingle about more. More contact details, a few more coffee reservations...


Dinner was shared with two other friends whom I rarely run into (Daniel and German), but we were able to connect by talking about things we had in common - midterms, internships, future job prospects...


Insight 3:

• You connect by talking about things you have in common

Conversations About God: Day 2

I was apprehensive about today.


When I walked out for dinner, I didn't know who I was going to run into or which new person I was going to be sharing with dinner with. How exactly would I start the conversation?


The Friends
Once I walked into the University restaurant at LG1, I ran into several friends: Aaditya (who I met during my first few days at HKUST), Sarthak (a friend from Toastmasters) and Apple (a friend I met through another friend).


Upon seeing me, Apple welcomed me to join them and introduced me to other person sitting at the table - a Japanese student by the name of Atsushi who is studying Physics at UST.


We ordered food and I explained how I'd recently turned vegeterian. The conversation from there proceeded to the existence of God - and we had a fun, but intense, conversation about God.

Insights from Today

• The more friends you have, the more friends you'll have. I ran into Apple through a mutual friend called Michael. And I ran into Atsushi because I knew Apple. So make an effort to expand your social network
• Group settings where you know at least a few of the people in the group are easier than one on one situations because someone will always have something to say - and you won't run out of things to talk about.

Making New Friends at the WWF: Day 1

Making New Friends at WWF: http://www.365-friends.blogspot.com/

I was sitting at Starbucks today, reading a book about interpersonal skills and sipping my hot Mint Mocha when I came up with the idea for the 365 Friends project. Feeling very excited, I looked around to see who I could start a conversation with. Everyone seemed busy.


So I decided to take a walk along Victoria Harbour. Perhaps I'd run into some tourists?


30 minutes later, and no new friends.


This was turning out to be harder than I thought.


However, as I was walking along, I came across a WWF event for Earth Hour. There was a group of people who were drumming out some of the best beats I've heard. I was mesmerized. I stayed and watched for about an hour. 


When the band had finished playing, the crowd began to disperse. One of the band-members - a woman probably in her thirties or early fourties - was sitting at the side by herself, taking a break from what must have been an exciting but exhausting drumming session.


I decided to grab my chance and approached her.


"Hey! That's some great music!! I complimented her. "Just out of curiosity, is this what you do for a living?" 


She smiled and I introduced myself. She introduced herself as Linda, and once we got talking,  she let me know that she was the Founder of a Mind-Set company in Hong Kong called MeManagement. Wow, what a great contact to run into!


Once she realized I was from Tanzania, she introduced me to another friend of hers - an Indian lady called Seema who had been born in Nigeria. We immediately had something to talk about because of our shared similarity - being two Indians who were raised in Africa. 


When Seema found out that I was a student at HKUST, she said, "Hang on! One of your Professors is here playing with us!"


She introduced me to a man who did not fit your typical image of a Professor. He seemed more like a rock-star as opposed to a Professor. Again, our shared similarity [both living at the same University] became a topic of conversation. After that short conversation, I honestly believe that he's the coolest Professor at HKUST. If you're a UST student who's interested in playing drums, contact me and I'll put you in touch with him - he has a drum-jamming session every Tuesday.


And just like that, I'd been welcomed into a circle of friends. I was introduced to two more members of the group - Shirley and Rob - after which I happily walked away with everyone's contact details...plus an invitation to their drum-jamming session if I was interested in trying it out.




Insights from Day 1: How to Turn Strangers into Friends

• Be brave and just go for it. If I hadn't introduced myself to Linda, I certainly wouldn't have had the pleasure of meeting the team.
• Find a Common Interest to Talk About - With Linda, our common interest was 'drumming'. I was interested in the music she was playing, and she was willing to tell me. With Seema, we found a shared similarity: both being Indians who'd grown up in Tanzania. And for the Professor, we both had a shared similarity to talk about: living at HKUST. 

Conversation Tip

• Search for similar interests/similarities and you'll have something to break the ice and start becoming friends.

Making Friends: The 365 Friends Project

• Why is it that we Click with some people, and not with others?

• Why is that we like one person, and not another?

• What is it about some people that causes us to immediately feel comfortable with them?

365 Friends Project

A Little Background about the Project
I am passionate about communication. I spend most of time reading books about communication skills, public speaking, and interpersonal skills. I even write a widely-read blog, which you can read here [www.public-speaking-hong-kong.blogspot.com]

I am curious about why some people seem to immediately click with others (even with people whom they're just meeting for the first time) while most of struggle to get beyond a casual, "How are you doing?" 


My aim with the project over the next 365 days is to talk to 365 people [mostly complete strangers, and a few casual acquaintances] and try and establish rapport with them. You could consider this a personal experiment to figure out how to break the ice and start building a relationship with others - all within a matter of minutes.




What You Can Expect from the Project
Everyday, I'll strike up conversation with one complete stranger. You can read about the ice-breaking strategies I use and whether or not they work. You can read about how quickly we manage to achieve rapport - whether we 'click' - and gain my insights into why or why not. You can sign up to receive updates about this project by entering your email address in the box at the top right hand corner of this page. See what works, see what doesn't. Gain insight into how to connect with people. Humor yourself by watching me try and strike up conversation with 365 complete strangers.